


blood, blood (gallons of the stuff)

by eclipselix



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Blood Drinking, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Vampire Bang Chan, Vampire Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Vampires, inspired by chan whining about how felix is annoying for not making him chocolate chip cookies, vamp chan is obnoxious and felix is absolutely not endeared at all no sir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:01:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27587168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eclipselix/pseuds/eclipselix
Summary: Newborn vampire Chan is a picky eater. Felix is tired.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 13
Kudos: 160





	blood, blood (gallons of the stuff)

**Author's Note:**

> the draft doc for this was named "vampi bitchboy chanlix", so. there you go.

Felix rested his chin in his hand, staring blankly at a spot on the chipping baseboard that ran along the wall beside the kitchen table. As his eyes traced a route along a long scratch of mysterious origins, he contemplated the merits of dying a second time.

The utter silence and stillness from the opposite side of the table was making that course of action more and more enticing.

Felix snuck a peek out of the corner of his eye, just in case – nope. Chan was still right there, bottle of blood untouched before him and fixing an unwavering set of puppy eyes on Felix.

 _Puppy eyes_.

A _vampire_.

Minho’s judgement got worse and worse every year.

Felix snapped his gaze back to the wall, determined to see this through, and Chan let out a frustrated whining noise.

“Felix, come on. Please, I don’t wanna. There _has_ to be another option.”

Felix grit his teeth, feeling his fangs poking their way out of his gums as he fought back the incredible urge to bear them at this actual _brat_. He’d been out all night, risking his _ass_ to not only feed himself, but fill a fucking _liter bottle_ for the newborn who Minho insisted “just needed some time to adjust”.

Felix thought a vampire who _refuses to drink blood because it’s “gross”_ had a bit more than some adjustment issues going on.

“You’re literally a vampire.” He said in a dead-eyed monotone, “You tell me if there’s another option.”

A long moment of silence from Chan’s side.

“I mean…” Chan started, sounding rather put out by the whole thing, “I’ve read enough YA novels to know that at some point here you’re gonna tell me that all the myths I know about vampires are wrong and actually you can survive on blood _or,_ like, McDonalds hash browns.”

Felix dropped his head to the table with a _bang_. He didn’t know if the dull pain that throbbed in his forehead was from the impact or from the headache he could feel coming on.

“We _had_ that conversation, remember? When you were turned? Retractable fangs, no shapeshifting, one hour of sunlight max, and _you need to drink your fucking blood_.”

“…and what if I don’t?”

Felix forgot that he was trying to ignore Chan until Chan started acting like an adult, and raised his head to stare incredulously. Chan’s lips were set into a smug little smirk, and he’d drawn himself up to his full height to peer down at Felix through narrowed red eyes. Pity he had nothing to be smug about, and Felix was an inch taller than him anyways.

“You’ll _die_. For real this time.”

The triumphant look on Chan’s face dropped, and Felix realized that Minho - soft, newborn-loving dumbass that he was - probably hadn’t put it to him in so few words.

Not that Chan shouldn’t have figured that out for himself from the, you know, _constant reminders that it was now a necessary part of his diet_.

“Wait, like, actually? How does that make any biological sense?” Chan’s face twisted up in sulky confusion, full lips pouting, and Felix thought absentmindedly that he’d be very pretty if appreciation of his features wasn’t tainted by the general experience of trying to drag a mule through mud.

“I don’t _know_ ,” He groaned, throwing his hands up into the air helplessly, “I’m not a doctor or a scientist. The cost of vampire resurrection is some sort of basal genetic change caused by the venom fucking something up, and now you need blood or you’ll die. There are books on it, ask Seungmin.”

Chan wrinkled his nose and tugged at a bleach-blonde curl of hair. “That doesn’t sound very believable.”

Felix decided right then and there to never, ever let Minho put him in charge of a newborn ever again, Australian or _not_.

“I don’t care if it’s believable, Chris,” He buried his face in his hands, “What I _do_ care about is that you’re my problem right now, and if you starve to death because you threw a tantrum over drinking blood _again_ Minho’s gonna rip my jaw off.”

Chan grinned a little, just enough to show a flash of the fangs he hadn’t yet learned how to retract. He was Minho’s favorite and he fucking knew it, and Felix thought he maybe got off a little bit on being difficult and knowing Felix couldn’t do anything about it.

Minho said it was because Chan thought Felix was cute, and wanted to spend more time with him. Felix said that Chan was just a bitch. Changbin, ever amused by Felix’s current tribulations, said it was probably both.

Not that Felix could get a high-maintenance boyfriend if said boyfriend was dead of starvation.

Not that he _wanted_ to, anyways. Moving on.

“Please.” Felix grumbled, his voice low and defeated, “Please just drink the blood. You haven’t eaten since you were turned, I _know_ you can feel what it’s doing to your body.”

Chan snorted. “I’ve eaten. I literally _just_ had an omelet.”

Felix looked at him for long enough that Chan dropped his eyes back to the bottle, an appropriately apologetic expression on his face.

“It’s _nasty_ , Felix. It smells weird and it tastes worse.”

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose. “It doesn’t. You’re hard-wired now to find it appealing. Stop letting your preconceived human notions of blood keep you from _drinking what you need to live_.”

Chan’s lips flattened out into a line and he gave the dark red liquid before him a long, baleful look.

Felix waited.

Slowly, Chan reached a pale hand out to grasp the neck of the bottle, an empty convenience store water bottle that Felix had stolen and drained and then filled with the creep who grabbed his ass on the way out. Chan unscrewed the cap, brought it up to his nose, and gave it a delicate sniff.

Then immediately scrunched his entire face up, made a very theatrical gagging noise, and shoved it as far away from his side of the table as he could. Felix contemplated murder.

“Oh my _God_ ,” He moaned, pressing his knuckles into his eyes, “You don’t even need to drink the whole thing. Just a little bit.”

“It’s _sooooo_ gross, Felix, please! I don’t _need_ to drink this, there’s no fucking way. I’d rather just be dead again.”

Felix hadn’t lived among humans for nearly a century, but he knew that Chan was older than he himself had been when he was turned. And he was _pretty sure_ humans were supposed to be out of this phase by that age.

“You will die.”

“But-”

“You will genuinely, actually die of malnutrition.”

“No, I-”

“I don’t _care_ if you ate a serving bowl full of salad yesterday, that is not blood. Put blood in the dressing for fucksake.”

Chan had a finger up and his mouth open, looking as if he was about to make another inane argument, when his eyebrows pinched together and he fell silent. Felix blinked, tilted his head, took a breath to ask what the hell had made Chan actually stop complaining for the first time in an hour. Then he realized what he’d just said.

Oh, he was _not_ about to have to hand-prep bloody meals for a newborn vampire like a cat owner trying to hide medicine in their food.

But if it made Chan eat…

Felix sighed the longest, deepest sigh he’d ever sighed and sat up straight.

“Those protein shakes you drink, even though you’re a vampire now and they make exactly no difference.” He started, looking at Chan expectantly.

“Yes?” Chan asked, as if he hadn’t heard the latter part of that sentence at all.

“They taste like shit, yes?”

Chan nodded emphatically. “ _But_ the benefits they provide outweigh the drawbacks!”

Felix almost took the bait, but he really didn’t have the energy left anymore.

“So if I put some blood in them, would you really notice?”

Chan’s eyes widened in realization, and he hummed contemplatively. “I mean, blood _is_ a very distinctive taste, and if I _know_ it’s in there-”

“Would you. Notice?” Felix snarled, fangs snapping out of his gums, and Chan wisely stopped talking.

“It’s worth a try.” He said meekly.

Felix grabbed the bottle of blood and stood up to make the pickiest vampire in the world a fucking _blood protein shake_.

* * *

Twenty minutes later found Felix staring in disbelief at Chan, still sitting at the kitchen table, now happily sipping some ungodly concoction of protein powder, yogurt, fruit, seeds, and blood. The blood had turned the substance a questionable pink, but Felix had pointedly thrown a few strawberries in there to keep Chan from complaining. The newborn was now clutching the glass with both hands, black sweater sleeves covering all but the tips of his fingers, eyes closed in contentment as he sucked on the straw.

After no less than _three days_ of stubborn refusals.

Felix really didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or stick his own head in the blender next.

The soft _pop_ of Chan’s lips detaching from the straw was clearly audible to Felix’s vampire hearing, as was, unfortunately, what he’d stopped drinking to say.

“It actually tastes _better_ this way, somehow. Why didn’t you just do this in the first place?”

Felix dropped the dirty blender cup into the sink. “Maybe you won’t have to worry about the malnourishment killing you if I do it first.”

“Hm.” Chan sounded amused, “Try the salad thing next.”

He went back to drinking, looking very pleased with himself. As Felix glared a hole in the side of his head, Chan’s grin widened, and a dimple popped out of his cheek. The fangs he didn’t know how to retract shone bright against pink lips on either side of the straw.

God _dammit_.

Not only was Chan the most irritating person alive, but when he shut up, there was nothing to distract from the fact that he was really, really fucking cute. And he was all Felix’s to deal with for the next eternity.

The whole second-death thing was starting to sound pretty appealing right about now.

Felix closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and got out the salad dressing.

**Author's Note:**

> this entire fic happened because i suddenly got a mental image one day of blonde chan in a fuzzy black sweater w/sweater paws sipping a smoothie with his lil fangs poking out of his mouth. if i could draw it would be over for all you bitches.
> 
> i'm already like halfway through a sequel to this. i might make it a series, because bitchy vampire chan is so fun to write.
> 
> scream at me on twt: @polychanlix


End file.
